7 years

it has been 7 yrs since my day of arrival in Singapore. i have to admit, the 7 years was not a total bliss. At the start of the 8th year, i have realized how awful things look, with whoever u used to live and love.

There was a bunch of young girls, and a few guys. Some were hardworking, some were not. Some natural-speakers, and some introvert. We took care of each other for 2 yrs. Thinking that we are the "brothers and sisters" of which u can believe and trust for the rest of the life wherever we go. Celebrating each other's birthday in big TV room tirelessly. Chased out by Mr Ng and the guard. Playing out truth or dare, running to the flag raising at the last 30 seconds, chatting till midnight, and getting up to eat roti prata.

After 2 years, we changed school. Some went to better schools, some dint. There was no barriers supposedly, but actually there were. We tried to have the "anniversary gathering", but we failed somehow, cos most ppl started a new life, with a different mask.

Another 2 years passed, many went overseas for their undergrad study, and many stayed. Differences in relationship status, majors, lifestyle and masking skills widened the gap betw the "innocents". Hearts were divided and relationship was distanced.

Today, 1/3 of us gathered for our 7th anniversary in this little island. and gosh, who cannot feel the distance between us, not to mention those who are spread into different continent. Some lost contact, and most people dun care.

So who are we for each other? Do i need to invite you for my wedding dinner? Do i need to update you about my career and work next time? i dun mean that we are obligated to do so, but isit natural that we just use our busy-ness and distance as reasons to forget our brothers and sisters?

I m tired of trying to hold this bond. Maybe its time to let it be natural, and find your own life without the ties from these people.

Love

爱是一个永恒的主题

我承认我的标题太大了。可是却找不到一个更好的标题来标注这篇日志。 最近经历的、想的、念的，都是爱。 这不是一个emo的日志，可是我不保证我会完全不抱怨什么，我想生活还是很美好的~

和他一切都很好~人家都说“小别胜新欢”，我完全同意。我可以想象他在那样一个相对落后的国家，在不方便的时候，走出去旅店，找一台破旧的电脑，试着skpye、 MSN我。 我也可以想象其他时间我们没有联系，他却和他爸爸妈妈一起给我买东西的场面，好温馨。一段恋情最重要的还是得到双方家长的祝福吧。觉得自己又有了一个家，又多了一份责任。除了家庭，我们俩也是如胶似漆。想想，我们已经要过8个月的纪念日了~两年之后大家果然都成熟了，都为对方着想很多。他说得对，要不是当时分手时的决绝，我们现在都不会走在一起。我的命运被安排得有点曲折，有点戏剧化，但是我感谢上帝的安排，因为我知道这会是最好的安排- the steps of the righteous is ordered by God. 我爱他

听了同学将他们的实习经历，发现自己很幸运。暂不说allowance，working time这些没法选择的东西，就因为我是我们department里面唯一的实习生，每个人都对我关怀有加。大家都照顾着我，给我买这个买那个，请我吃饭、喝水。倒不是这一点点东西有多贵重，那一片心可是让我感觉到工作中的温暖。朋友说，上了一个多月的班，好像让自己回到学校、继续读书；而我却觉得工作是一件很开心的事情~这也是人和人的爱~

相反，有些时候却觉得有些讲的很高调的“爱”却非常虚伪。“爱神、爱人”，又做到了什么呢？如果没有一个系统，没有什么条规，没有在一个小组，没有同时去一个教会，一些人就没有了音讯，那relationship preceeds ministry; discipleship builds on relationship又是怎么讲出来的呢？ 三年的"relationship",其实就值一个短信。sad.

我爱上帝，我要找一个教会，不需要很大，不需要很完美，不需要讲的全都是对的（或者自己觉得自己讲的都是对的、没有辩驳的余地），但是可以和相爱的人一起，与人建立起温暖的关系，照顾彼此，为信仰而付出，这就是我的小追求~

The Marking of a New Chapter of my Life

It has been a tough time of my life for some time. My friends and I used to call it "valley" period of our Christian life. After maintaining the status quo for this period of time, I am ready to move on to another chapter of my life.

I left my church, a place where i grew my faith, i tried to lead, i commit-ed to fellowship and be "disciplined". I obeyed, i visited, i learnt, i taught, i sang, i danced, i cried, i laughed, and i experienced. To make such a decision is never easy, especially with a heart full of gratefulness and love. In this post, i just want to make a stand, that i will continue serving God wherever I may be, and I will love God and love people just like what my church has taught me.

when i was typing out the line above, i had a feeling of a deja vu. I really believe everything is destined. (theologically speaking, I do have a separate believe)

I have learnt to LOVE.

"Love without condition, heart always listen, to a crying world. " This is a line of lyrics from our church album. love is taught, love is learnt. Is love applied? There are too many practical issues in this mega family. i always have a nagging feeling that some members are too practical in what they are doing. There is a motive for every call, every sms, every gathering and even every celebration. A motive to show, a motive to portray a certain image, and a motive for growth. In short, there is this discomforting feeling that a lot of actions with an ulterior motive.

I am not trying to discredit the member's effort and the Church's intention in reaching out and saving souls. However, the true essence of the Great Commission can sometime be forgotten particularly when the Church has grown to such a size. I believe strongly in building a lasting and positive relationship with every person we interact with, influencing them and reach out to them in a sincere and genuine way. At the end of the day, we want our loved ones to be saved. Basically, the best witnessing is by having good character and faith for the glory of God.

I learnt FAITH

In this 3-year journey I had with the church, i have been through many ups-and-downs. I learnt to endure and persevere. I learnt to keep on keeping on. I learnt to laugh at the situation and continue with the life that God has planned for me. In many of these times, a strong faith in God and the leaders i bs required. However, I also learnt that strong faith and blind faith can be easily confused. i know a girl from my church who is very committed to the church. However, her personal life is taking a toll because of her ministry. i wonder how her life would be without a portion of what she is doing. she can commit all she has - time, money, and even friends - for the church and her ministry. i really pray that she do not lose herself in her faith, and that she will one day be mindful that it is God she serves.

I learnt HOPE

The vision of the Church has always been grand and ambitious. This might not always a good thing. Men are easily lost or tempted by greater ambitions after achieving a certain result. This might be true of the current situation. I really hope that the focus of the Church can once again be love-centric.

I am very hopeful in moving on to this new chapter of my life. I have faith that the steps of the righteous are appointed by God. I am again renewed with the love of God, and pray that I can be a good witness and spread this love to my loved ones and everyone around me.

Dear Heavenly Father, I lift up this period of my life into Your hands. Thank You for the years I spent in Your embrace, thank You for all the teachings through my pastors and leaders, thank You for all the friendship I had. I pray that Your presence and love would be to tangible and real in my life. Let Your Kingdom come, let Your will be done. I give You all the glory and praise. I pray all these in Jesus' name, Amen.